Just as we thought life is going back to normal after two extraordinary years, there comes another variant of the virus to shake us back into alert mode again, and sweep the holiday sparkle away. Up until this holiday season, I have not been directly affected by the pandemic. I was mentally prepared to deal with the sudden changes and adjustments. There were manageable days and there were those that were more challenging .
During my self healing and self developing journey, one of the important thing I was taught was about the law of duality that teaches us to keep an even head and accept whatever situation occurring in our lives, situations or events which are out of our control, situations we can’t change. In the past, I would go out of my way trying to change some situations that I did not accept, I did not like, only to grow more frustrated and angry. Funny how big our Ego is, we believe we can change the world, the universe, and we’re barely capable of changing ourselves or little habits like unhealthy eating or quitting smoking...
Christmas is a highly anticipated event in my family. Since the day I was born I have spent every Christmas with my parents, even when I was living abroad, I made sure I’d go back home for this special occasion. This has stopped after my parents passing in 2010. New Christmas rituals haven taken place. Christmas was now spent with my own family, the family that I have created with my life partner, and my sister’s family. That is now what my children call Christmas. Christmas 2021, with my son in quarantine in his room, and the rest of us in isolation at home, Christmas was looking and feeling a bit different this year. The day before Christmas Eve, I spotted my daughter crying silently, tears covering her face, lips quivering, and yet not even one loud sob. This is real pain, I thought, that kind of crying is not the usual cry for attention, it’s the genuine one. No surprise there, my daughter adores those family gatherings, specially Christmas.
Watching her grieving over the Christmas that has been taken away from her, broke my heart, I felt her pain. This pain has resonated with me and carried me back to Christmas 2009. I wasn’t a little 10 year old girl, I was a grown woman, but never the less I was crying in silence because Christmas as I know it was taken away from me for good. I was so close to having one last Christmas back home with my parents. I flew in few days before, I spent most of the time by my mother’s bed side, she wasn’t well. It was terminal. I was angry, determined to have that last Christmas with her, but the universe had a different plan.
The day before Christmas, my mom had difficulty breathing, fluids were filling up her lungs. We knew what to do, this has been the pattern lately, we drove her to the hospital. I only had one thing on my mind, she needs to get better before tomorrow comes. This wasn’t about her anymore, it was about me. I demanded one last Christmas with her. She didn’t feel better and she couldn’t leave the hospital. I remember trying to convince her and talk her into coming home, even though part of me knew just by looking at her lay in the hospital bed how bad the situation was. I went on trying to convince her to come home, she’ll lay down on the sofa with us by the Christmas tree, we’ll take pictures, another memory to be added to the photo collection, one last Christmas...
I was desperate and angry, not exactly sure who was I angry at, the list was long but God was definitely on top of that list.
Fast forward to Christmas 2021, my 10 year old daughter, sad and disappointed that her Christmas was taken away from her. Part of me wanted to try and make it better, but the other part of me wanted to prepare her for bigger pains, inevitable pains she’ll eventually have to go through in life.
Pain is part of life and its duality, if pain didn’t exist we wouldn’t have experienced and appreciated pleasure. Pain is what makes us humans, it shapes our lives, once dealt with properly, the lessons and the wisdom it leaves us with are unparalleled.
So on a last note allow me not to wish you a happy new year, but instead I’ll wish you mental strength, resilient hearts, self awareness, and most and foremost I wish you “ Acceptance”.
Acceptance to allow yourselves to experience all your emotions because it’s what makes you whole, the good, the bad and the ugly, knowing and trusting that this too shall pass.